Friday, March 12, 2010

... and now i need new rubber gloves

warning: if you have a weak stomach, turn around now. do not pass go. do not collect $200. just run far, far away.  if you are a mother disregard the warning. you will be just fine.

yesterday, #3 had a great time smashing all the bugs in the bathroom. ants. thank you to whomever donated the blowpop stick covered in gum to the bathroom trash can. i strategically positon ant traps and remove trash.

today, more ants. awesome. #1 reports that they are coming out of the holes in the wall drilled by the bug man. holes were drilled to apply any powder to inside of walls.  maybe he just drilled holes and inserted blowpops to draw all the ants from the neighbors house into mine. they probably pay better.

also today, i was the lucky winner in the 'who gets to empty the trash smasher that we have been filling with trash for a week without a bag in it' contest. yumm-o.

that kind of grossness is for amateurs.

the supreme almighty disgustingness started innocently enough. i heard small feet head for the bathroom. (yes the one with the ants. that's how we learned where they are coming from.)  after several minutes of silence, i began to worry. "are you ok?" um, yeah. "no, really. what's wrong?" um, nothing.

oh shit.

no shit.

holy shit.

did i mention there was shit?

picture in your head a small child around the age of 8 half naked holding a plunger in his hand with a look of complete shock on his face. 

what ... are ... you ... doing?

i need some help.

with what?

getting all of this to go in that hole.

he has poo on his feet, knees, cheeks (upper and lower), abdomen, hands, fingers, wrists, and the back of his elbow!

you do not use a plunger to jam the stuff in the hole.

oops. sorry.

then he had the gall to be mad at me when i threw his calvin klein under away.

i told him that if he wanted to save his underwear, he could scrub the manure out because i was not going to do it.

needless to say, the toilet is still not working and now i need new rubber gloves.

just think of this as a free birth control update.

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